I am really not a huge fan of change. I like the silver kind, but the kind of change that makes me adjust my life, well…not so much. I am comfortable. Life has developed a certain rhythm that I have grown accustomed to.
However, over the last few months, I’ve noticed an area of my life where I didn’t want to change. Or better yet, I want something else, not what it was becoming. I don’t even have to say what the “it” is. The point is: TRUST and ENGAGEMENT.
Do I trust that God is God even if I don’t like my “It” and am I willing to engage in these moments?
Here’s the conversation that I’ve been having with the Father.
Me: God, I don’t like this.
God: I know.
Me: Please change this so that I can get on with my life.
God: This is your life.
Me: Yeah, I know, but You know where my heart is and what I want. You know I don’t want this from a frivolous or selfish heart. This is what I believe You want for me too. So, let’s do this thing. Okay?!
God: I know your heart is not frivolous or selfish. You do know what I want for you. You have walked forward with me and done all that you can do. I know you are tired of waiting, but I Am with you in the waiting.
Me: Yeah, I know that. So, let’s roll.
God: Timing, my sweet one. My timing, not yours.
God: I can open any door that I want for you. Isaiah 22:22 says, “I will place on his shoulder the key to the house of David; what he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open.” That’s Me talking, you know. Those are My keys and I use them when I want to. When it is My time.
God: My question to you is – are you willing to be content with Me, and trust Me, where you are right now? Do you realize that I see you, right where you are? I know the desire in your heart. I put it there. That forerunner spirit that I put in you is there for a reason, which makes waiting so very difficult. This is where trust in Me comes in handy. You might want to step into that.
Me: You mean I have to adjust? You aren’t going to make it better? Change it? Make it go away? Or bring these things to pass, now?
God: I Am going to make it better. It just won’t look like what you want it to look like. Trust, my darling. Trust Me in your now. Trust Me in the wait. I will accomplish all that I desire with you. However, as you long for the future, open your heart to Me in the now. Do not miss the now. So many of My Children miss the now. I am here and I have things that I want to invite you in to. But, you are straining so much, standing on your tip toes looking to the future that you can’t see Me standing right next to you, inviting you into this space right here.
Me: So, my struggle is to lay down my desires and find contentment and purpose now.
God: No. You are not to lay down your desires. That’s passivity. I put those desires in your heart. Talk to Me about them. Let Me hold them, and you, as we wait together for My timing.
God: In the meantime, just open your heart to Me in the now. Don’t miss the now.